Patrick Ball. Cursed be his name and his children. No, that’s wrong. He’s fine. Cursed be Christina and all of her name. No, that’s wrong. I’m inept. Like so many other times, I missed all the red flags. Well, I didn’t miss them so much as purposefully ignore them. Well, I didn’t so much ignore … Continue reading Writing group 20150531
The way that I met Christina was a total fluke, like most of the best things in life are. Sometime in the fall first semester of my sophomore year at Baylor Jennie and I had just broken up, but she was committed to remaining friends (she was still a freshman, and I was her best … Continue reading Christina, a terror deep in my heart
All I had to show for one year out of college in Texas was Starbucks and two freelancing gigs, one a failure and the other a success. My parents had kicked me out of their house. I couldn’t afford to move out of Steve’s parents’ house because my Starbucks wages only covered my credit card minimums, car payments, and student loans, not all of which had come out of their grace period yet. Unemployed, broke, and homeless with my dog in tow, I could’ve stayed.
I rip through the boxes again, even when my mother’s anger becomes tinted with fear. “It’s just a waffle iron,” she says. “You can buy another one and she’ll never know.” But it’s not Sarah’s opinion of me I’m worried about, though I certainly wouldn’t want to confess to her that I’d lost it; No, I want it for myself. I want the waffle maker, that one fucking thing, and I fucking lost it!
I listened to her complain for a while and asked her if she wouldn’t rather come to Europe with me rather than waste away her summer there. She answered that she would, agreeing finally and at the last minute to come. I laughed at her. I didn’t believe she would come.
People challenge me on my ability to follow through with my dreams when I've delayed my life to raise my son. They think I'm a cliche, that I'll become some housewife and settle for doing Jack's chores. But they don't know me; they don't know how broad these shoulders have become through trial; they don't know the migraines or the father. And if they don't know that, what do they really know about me at all?
I’ll never force my way past the walls of a girl’s pseudo-moral denials of pleasure.